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Thursday
May032012

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up

Sometimes I think it was a pretty gutsy move to set up a site called "A Happy Place Called Home."  I worry that a site themed around being happy is too much to handle, since let's face it, life isn't always happy.

Does anyone remember the Life Alert commercials with the lady who yells, "Help!  I've fallen, and I can't get up!" as she squirms around on the floor?  

Yeah, sometimes I feel like that lady...

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If there's one thing I hope to never portray on this blog, it's the impression that I'm a perfect person who's happy all of the time, and lives a seemingly-brilliant life. 

Nothing could be further from the truth.

I'm just a regular person.  Just like you.  I have good days, I have bad days...and I even have "meh" days that don't tip the "happy" radar one way or the other.  That's just life, I guess.

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I'm human.  I laugh, cry, smile, frown...and sometimes...yes sometimes...I curse at the wind.

Today was just one of those days.  It left me feeling down, frustrated, and exhausted.  In fact, today was the day that I cried my entire way home from work...and when I say "cry" I'm not talking a few sparkling tears that trickled down my cheeks.  No...when I say "cry," I mean ugly cry...as in, the cry that requires a scrunched up face, an open mouth, and runny nose!  

Just picture the face of someone who is eating old-nasty cheese--it wasn't pretty!

Perhaps I'm just hormonal today, or maybe there's something more to it.  I'm not really sure, but everything that's been bottled up inside lately seemed to explode out of my emotional storage shed like a rupturing volcano.

I cried because today I realized I had accomplished everything I would ever accomplish at my job.  I've hit the brick wall...the plateau, so to speak.  There's nowhere to go, no ladder to climb...it just is what it is.  I cried because I know what I want to do with my life, but I just can't seem to get there.  I cried because I'd rather be following my dream each day than spending nine hours sitting in a cubicle.  I cried because by the time I get home from work each night I have no energy left to do what I really love doing.  I cried because I like my job and the people I work with, but it's not my dream or my passion--it's just a job--and I cried because I realized how long it would be before I could ever turn the dream for my life into a reality.

I cried...I cried (Oh, did I mention I have an hour-long commute??)...and then I cried some more...

But then something happened...

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When I got home Mark gave me a big hug.  I'm sure I looked like a hot mess, but he didn't say anything. He didn't ask how my day went, but I think that's because he already knew.  He just hugged me.

Then, when I started to write this post I found that I had some comments from some of you.  They were so kind, and they reminded me how lucky I am to interact with each of you.  I may not know you personally, but I know that we have similar interests, similar struggles, and that we have a lot to learn from one another.  And because of that, I consider each of you my friend.

So maybe a theme of happiness isn't so overwhelming after all.  This blog isn't about pretending life is wonderful day-in and day-out--it's about finding reasons to be happy, even on your darkest days.  It's about looking for the things that lift you up when you feel like you've fallen...and that even makes a day like today, a good day.

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Reader Comments (2)

Awww, Kelli.
I'm sorry that life has been less than happy for you lately, but I'm so glad that you have a wonderful husband to give you a hug at the end of the day. I know that little things like a great hug and some ice cream can make my crummy days a bit brighter.
I hope you can have a relaxing & refreshing weekend...some crafty projects, a walk in the park, or lunch at your favorite restaurant.

May 4, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterNichole K

Thank you Nicole!

You are so awesome! I certainly have been trying to take it easy this weekend, and just enjoy my free time. I also decided to work on a little art project for my desk at work. I'm thinking a little desk spruce-up might help boost my enthusiasm for the time I spend in my cubicle. One can only hope! Ha!

Thanks again for your kind words!

xo, Kelli

May 6, 2012 | Registered CommenterAHPCH

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